I was lucky enough this year to have my rotation day off fall on Halloween, so I was able to use all day Friday to get my costume together, which seemed like a fine plan with plenty of 'time' for error. As per my usual agreement with Past Bob (he's that no good son of a bitch that sloughs problems into the over-burdened lap of Future Bob) I did not actually leave enuff time for the Wal-inspired Temper-tantrums that were to follow...(dramatic pause)...I eventually began my day at Walmart, a fine purveyor of cheap crappola, making it the number 1 destination for cash strapped trick or treaters (read as everyone). I went in there with my list of needed goods, dignity, sanity and hopes/dreams. 1-2 hours later I left the store... but it seems as though I accidentally lost all of those items save the list within the hallowed halls of Walsmart.
It all mostly stemmed from my Dramater (I decided that is what a Drama Odometer would be called) clocking in at about 10 clicks past "Ohh Gash!". I needed a few simple items that I assumed would be gettable from Walsmart (suspenders, black pants, ball) and a make-up item for my dear Geisha (Jessica). I went after the suspenders first, because they were pretty crucial to my outfit.... I then wandered around men's department for so long I began hallucinating suspenders like a desert mirages. I even asked the Walsmart employee's for assistance which led to many dog chasing its tail type adventures. These eventually led to myself and the Walsmart employee who I was now fast friends with finding that although they had a giant suspenders rack, capable of holding at least 100 suspenders they were completely sold out... not one pair. This created the first crack in my sanity, which was widened when the exact same adventure took place in women's cosmetics while looking for Jessica's item. I then spent a confusing 15 minutes hunting down some ladies leggings for Derrick, which he then pro ceded to not use in his costume and is clearly meant for 'theme night' at the D-Bones household.
I just realized how much time I have spent on Walmart, so lets just make the rest of this brief. The long and short of it is I had a brain meltdown version of a wardrobe malfunction and had to coax myself out of it by getting a pair of black pants for 7 dollars that were marked as 65 dollar pants (woo JC Penny!); which I later chose to share my half digested lunch with, but that's getting ahead of the story. I eventually was able to put together my costuming (The Comedian from Watchmen, don't worry, its not just you; no one knows who it is). Eventually being the key word, we had planned to gather for dinner around 7:30, I didn't finish sewing my suspenders on (I ended up creating my own suspenders, eat yur heart out Martha) until 8:00. The night then looked as though it was going to go off without a hitch: Jessica in a very well done Geisha costume and I met up with Schwumps, riddick and Captain forgot his name and we had some bloody glorious Sushi (I want to take a moment to mention that Schwumps costume was out of this world awesome, I promise to get a picture up sometime this week!)... Shortly here after the wickedness of Halloween reared its beautiful, crystal clear head, and attacked me from the depths of my trunk.
After leaving the restaurant we met up with Mark (who made up the other part of our Watchmen Trio) and went for Trunk Vodka..... The problem with Vodka drinking, and Trunk Vodka drinking in particular is that you don't actually know how drunk you are until about 15 minutes after the binge is over. I apparently drank waaay to much in this period and all of a sudden my night was off and ruining, unfortunately it left my brain in the gutter next to the trunk.
My memories or the rest of the night are jumbled, jolly and probably wrong. But the way I understand it I yelled vehemently at anyone without a costume on; should of had my ass handed to me on several occasions; left various phone messages on various phones; ran into another group of Watchmen - shamed them utterly and moved on; ran into Angela in her Cheetwhora costume; consumed more Trunk Vodka; revel revel revel; and blackness. What came later in the night can only be described with such eloquent words as 'douchbaggery', 'disgusting' and 'violent'. Suffice to say Jessica was displeased and I awoke alone and confused.
The only bright side of this is that I now plan to enact a far better system of drinking; screw ever drinking out of a hard liquor bottle again, I'll have my flask and call it good. Its not fun for me to be that drunk, its definitely not a good time for my wife, and only the most hardy and foolish of people (read as John) probably get any enjoyment out of me at this stage of disrepair. I still had fun that night, but lessened the fun of others, was wildly hungover, and puked all over a perfectly good costume.
Now to brighter days for Bob and dark, shame filled days for Hamid - Saturday night Bob House Party!
The misses and I had a whirlwind day of "uhhhgggg I'm hung over" ... "I did what last night, I'm sorry" ... "blehhh time to go vote and hit up the AE employee sale"..."Hurray voting was super easy, Go Obama!"..."Holy crap, I didn't know there were enough shirts back there for you to buy that many, well done Madam!"..."chop chop, stab, cut (wood)"....."you do know you basically put yourself up naked on our table in brown form" - followed by - "don't be a jackass Bob"...."Is anyone showing up to this party?" ... "Is anyone cooler then Mark Schmeltz showing up to this party
After a short period of hmm, are Mark, Soomin, Jessica and I going to have ourselves a quiet night in... people arrived. I've already told everyone, but I may as well blog it as well. I was super surprised at the effort everyone put forth on costuming. Not only was everyone save one lass in a costume, but most of them were in fairly elaborate costume, varying from heroic, to comedic, to bear-fuckeric; twas fantastic. After I ran a short errand (had to pick up my viking helmet after the double fail of John/Pichu) I set the bon fire off (which was sort of unneeded on such a warm evening) and the fun began. It was a mostly low key party, there was a fair bit of Tippee cup, or flip cup, or 'Brrrdurrrmmm! *think trumpety noize* cup; whatever you want to call it. Other wise just a lot of talking, sitting, dancing, and the now Bob Party Requisite GERMAN DISCO GLOW STICK SHOW! I take 0 responsibility in this happening again, I was going to let a few parties sneak in before that debacle struck again. Sometime around German Disco Light show I began to wonder where Hamid had gotten off to... and now begins a tale of shame.....
Apparently what had happened to our good friend Blunt man is that he found himself pantless and throwing up in our bathroom. Which isn't all that horrible; the real crime was his failure to lock the door at a party where the most unsavory of people (coughJohncough) lurk. The rest of his night was probably a blur of visitors, snap photography, grumbles, shambles and shame. I felt bad for the guy, but the situation was nigh unstoppable. Luckily he got a chance to take a nap on the always comfortable 'slab o concrete' so that must have been nice for him. I haven't seen the pictures since that night, but he's in for a special treat whenever those leak out into the series of tubes and voodoo magic some buffoons call the Internet.
Sunday was a day to relax, clean and watch Thigpen. I really like the way our offense is progressing. From the O-line to the Wide outs we look soooooo much better then we did at the start. Unfortunately all the wheels have come off the Linebacker bus... Mark came out for some Magic, then Jessica, Mark and I watched the vast array of eye candy that Sunday night HBO offers. It was good. Plus Jessica cooked us up a yummy pizza (thanks sweets) But now it is Monday and I am at work, so life is now back to normal. I hope everyone else had a fun and interesting Halloween weekend as well.
Tyler Thigpen: Believe the Dream!
Posts
3 comments:
I put up all the photos on my facebook. There were too many to load on my blogger.
lol...that posting was super funny. well...thankfully hamid didn't lock the bathroom door or else i would not have been able to finally get in there and pee! so see--john really helped me out by helping hamid get off the toilet!
ugh
Post a Comment